Holy Fat Ass
A humorous and irreverent doggerel from the perspective of a pious, fat-assed Bengali man. This satirical poem explores the absurdities of religious hypocrisy and self-perception.
7/29/2025
Holy fat ass, full of fartsy gas,
Pious of the pissed off class.
Long moustache all the way down,
I polish my asshole with it to glass.
A bengali very short, shorter my temper,
Flying into indignant wanton rage in a trice.
I like fish, bengali sweets, mangoes,
And ghee with boiled basmati white rice.
With morning stool I proselytize a fool,
Usually it's with a rama or krishna piss,
Or I use loony chants from camel boy,
Muhamood I think that fucks' name is.
Or the jewish jeeshoo the shit-assed hobo,
A carpenter from longish dark yore.
But I mix their shit up in motley,
Of course I add my shit before.
I talk of rape and rapine, yap yappin',
Like the type of shit people see gods do,
Fuck or kill, or chill lazy ass on a hill,
Common Calcutta cunts don't have no clue.
My dick is noodle limp, a ninny pimp wimp,
I'm scared of everything most men dread.
Even my heart when I hear it beat,
Makes me shit in my megalocephalic head.
Pant full of cant, holy anus not can't,
Verily for holy your skirt I hike.
I lick in front, but insert dogma behind,
Call me a romantic if you goodly like.
My ass is mighty round, asshole quite sound,
The farts usually of pythagorian decibel pitch.
My shit stinks bad, man tits—a creation sad,
Nature can be both an ass and a bitch.
Overall I am a pious masochistic goddamn,
But a very nice hindoo hokey holy.
Totally fifty years, very hairy somehow,
Life is a big-ass cock-suck shit baloney.